The battle of the holidays on social media (warning: contains Elf on the Shelf)

(this really cracked me up. I love Grumpy Cat! Photo courtesy of SlapCaption)

With the advent of the season of the holiday, my social media networks across the board explode with people spouting off about the various holidays, presence or lack thereof of religion, and the creepy factor of various holiday traditions. (sorry this gets a wee bit long...)

Case in point: 

Thank you Melissa Hillier for a much cleaner photo of the little Elf than I've seen! 

There's some debate about him. Evil? Not evil? Preparing children for a police state? Creepy? Not creepy? And goodness gracious, the stream of pictures from all the folks that have to move this elf once a day in order to play by the rules of the game as written. (though I do think some of the more adult ones are kind of funny, like this one!)

Here's the thing. When I was young (which was not that long ago!), I was taught that Santa is a representation of the spirit of generosity. He might not be a real person, but as a spirit of generosity he represents the idea that we all should give to one another. I mean, even the bad kids get coal, which can be used to warm one's house, so life is not all bad! 

It was your job to honor the goodness in the world all year long or you would be put on the coal list. There was nothing in these lessons about religion, about all year long stalking, or even a requirement to call him St. Nick and not Santa Claus / Kris Kringle. So you can be Jewish or Muslim or Atheist and still enjoy festivities and just don't bother with the "Christmas" name for the holiday. 

It wasn't until I was older that I even realized that there was a religious component to Christmas in the name and the motivation behind the holiday. As usual, it is because the Christians tried to borrow from various Pagan celebrations in an attempt to gain more converts. Pieces of the holiday belong to the Romans (Saturnalia and Kalends), Druids (mistletoe sacrifice), Norse Mythology (Balder is killed by a mistletoe poisoned arrow while fighting over a female), the Asheira Cult (Christmas trees), German and Celtic pagans (the cult of Nicholas), Asian culture (Nimrod, the fire god, was nicknamed "Santa"), the Irish (the "Yule Lads" left presents and played tricks on people), and even some work in the holiday belongs to marketers (i.e. Coke's depiction of Santa Claus). This muddled mix of sources thrown together into a holiday makes it easy to pick and choose which pieces of the holiday you choose to observe. Celebrate Santa but not poison or Christ's birthday or a celebration of the slaughter of thousands of Jewish people? Absolutely you can! BUT...you can also celebrate Christ's birthday. And you can also sacrifice a goat to Balder or pagan gods. That's the beauty of living in modern culture - unlike the 4th century CE when the Christian church borrowed Saturnalia to form the basis of Christmas, we have CHOICE. 

So getting me back to this little guy:

The tradition of the elves actually starts a LOT later than Christmas itself. It wasn't until the 1800s that the elves of the world were demoted into only existing to help Santa Claus do his work. Prior to this, elves were a sort of fun little creature that could help you or harm you - in Germanic and Scandinavian literature, elves were guards against evil and bringers of light and magic but if they were mistreated or you were a bad person, the elves would play tricks on you. But again, the sources get mixed. In the Netherlands, Santa travels with a sidekick named Zwarte Pieter (Black Peter), and in France, there's Père Fouettard (Father Whip) for Santa's sidekick, both of which are characters of very mixed good and evil. 

The Elf on a Shelf idea sort of brings back that idea of the "little people" or the "Wee folk" that can be good to you if you're good and bad to you if you are bad. And yes, I've always found that idea creepy. That someone or something is watching me 24/7. No person is ever going to be perfectly good 100% of the time - even sleeping people sometimes kick people in bed! So do I find Elf on a Shelf creepy? Yep. I wasn't even surprised when a Washington Post article proclaimed "The Elf on the Shelf is preparing your child to live in a future police state, professor warns"

You've probably all already seen the arguments, so I'll skip to the good part - the comments. They are a lively bunch of folks who have a range of opinions, but the most interesting delve into the WHO is buying these things. You see, there's a strong belief that its mostly young mums out there buying these because they want to validate that they are good mothers just like their friends who are posting their "Elf on a Shelf" pictures on social media. It's all a scheme for validation, and in some cases, they even do it after the children are scared off by the "Elf". 

The thing I think young mums are not remembering is that they have a CHOICE. If you are bullied into using "Elf on a Shelf" and its other overpriced products than you are in the same situation people were in the 4th century CE - being told how to behave and how to validate your celebration as legitimate. There are wonderful young mums out there who don't tolerate this nonsense and have great kids. There are wonderful young mums out there who find the whole thing entertaining and do it for fun without the "rules" and involving their children in the process. 

You always have a choice in what you choose to buy and celebrate (unless you're in a totalitarian country like China or North Korea, then...I apologize). Don't let your social media feed bully you into needing validation just like others or trying to argue for "Putting the Christ back in Christmas" or "Banning Happy Holidays" or any other such nonsense.

The cacophony of the holiday sales begins...

(Poor kitty! From Icanhazcheeseburger.com)

Over the weekend, the holiday sales season officially began. I don't even know if we should call it the holiday season any more. By far and away, the amount of people, places and things crying out OMG PLEASE PAY ME was just ridiculous.

Did I indulge? A bit. Much less than other years. Maybe I'm getting more self control as I get older.

Mostly though, its just tiring. Why the heck does everyone need a new tv this time of year? Or yet another crock pot? Do people throw these things away on a monthly basis? I don't understand. I got a couple of movies, and some surprise packages from Julep (my husband would probably argue I do NOT need more nail polish, but...) and a pair of pants I needed to replace one that broke on vacation (duct tape no longer holds the pockets together). Oh, and some patterns (feeding the addiction, lol).

I think most of all, it really just came across as a sea of people, places, and things trying to stimulate buying, and none of it really had the effect that it would have had five years ago, even a year ago! Black Friday sales numbers were down, and I think its because of that reason - a sea of external stimuli with no way to differentiate it. Even most "deals" sites were saying the deals were bleh this year.

I think back upon Thanksgiving 1900 and wonder...what would they have thought of all this nonsense? I think they would have gone crazy from a sea of crazy around them. They wouldn't have known what to do with so many advertising messages blaring at them.

Sorry for the ramblings today but that's where my thoughts have been over the last couple days . This week to come: updates on projects completed!

If you are at your computer hiding from the madness, enjoy this cute puppy video:

Be a fan. Stop beating yourself up over it. No more dissing fangirls and fanboys.

I've been ruminating on this topic since I went to Chicago TARDIS and one of the topics was called "Moffat Fangirls". There's still a real stigma against showing enthusiasm for anything unless it fits with social norms. For guys, that's sports and for ladies, that's cooking and fashion.

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiam"
Ralph Waldo Emerson

Do you want to know who was the first fanboy?

Hello, Pope Sixtus! (Thanks Titian for the great portrait, courtesy of Wikipedia). In 1471, Pope Sixtus donated some sculptures to the Musei Capitolini in Rome with the intention of showing off their awesomeness (Okay, awesomeness might not have been a word then, but the concept is the same).

So when did we go from the Pope to this?

Clearly meant as satirical, and yet, that's the vision people have of the fan. Crazed, screaming, nuts, and other such nonsense.

Clue yourself in: fans of anything are great! It doesn't matter if your thing is a geek thing, a Japanese thing, a zombie thing, a music thing, or a movie thing. It just matters that you feel and interact with other people that feel the same way. As long as you don't retreat into that world as a substitute for your own world (which can be unhealthy), being a fan of something is fun, easy, can be as low or as high of a cost as you want, and can bring a little sunshine to your life.

I recently watched the video of the inimitable Tavi Gevinson, and what she says makes a lot of sense. Be a fan. Enjoy it. Figure out why it means so much to you. And have fun.

Screw the simple life, I'll take moderation please.

Ah, January. The time of year when everyone starts to claim an inner need to clean out their houses, work out more, work on their marriages, hug their kids more, and in general, set asinine resolutions that won't last more than a month for 99.8% of people (yes, I acknowledge there are some of you leprechauns out there, but you're very, very rare).

So if you go on Pinterest right now, its full of "Why our grandparents lived better" including "eating better" "buying better" and "living better". And then on the other side you see "yes, but they had disease" "their food selection sucked" "they starved some years" "their houses were teeny" "they didn't have any money" "they hated anything new"

but the overwhelming refrain throughout all these articles is that "You should live the simple life". Buy only a modest amount of things, don't eat too much, walk to work, and come home to dinner on the table (and depending on the age of the author, sometimes even "and a martini made" as well).

You know what? That whole idea SUCKS. Let's just say what everyone is thinking. Restricting your life down to the bare essentials is a lot of effort. You end up focusing on what you can't have, and end up bitter and angry that your life wasn't better. You end up being that person at the party who complains about what you don't have, and how you really need X but can't get it. That life is awful. That's why our grandparents wanted us to do better, have more, and live more.

Gosh, this sounds awful negative, doesn't it? Some people enjoy the martyrdom of that situation. Not me. That's why I was so pleased when I read this article.

This part is the part that really makes a lot of sense to the modern person with the knowledge of the vintage life:

"Give yourself permission to only keep the things that are currently useful, despite who gave them to you or how much they cost.   This can be really hard, especially at first.  That’s where the ruthless part comes in.  As you sort through your things, ask yourself these questions:

1. Do we use it, wear it, or play with it?  If it is clothes, does it still fit?
2. Is it in good working condition?
3. Does it enrich our lives in some way?
4. Does it have sentimental value?
5. Could someone else use it more?

It  is helpful to make 4 categories:  1.) Things to keep in this area,  2.) things to donate,  3.) things to throw away, and 4.) things to put elsewhere (keepsake box, seasonal items, or things that belong in a different room).  Once you’ve cleared an area and put away all the items that belong elsewhere, move on to the next area.  Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Read more at http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/2013/08/27/clutter-free-forever-vintage-tips-for-an-organized-home/#6QeweGjjdH2bKB9r.99"

How brilliant is that? A simple system that can help you manage the flow of objects, digital and physical in your house in the smartest way possible without all the preaching about "the simple life". She's really trying to help people here with a way to live that our grandparents DID understand and I think did almost intuitively.

I remember my grandparents kept a lot of stuff in their houses, too. In fact, I think I may have called them a hoarder on a time or two, on both sides of the family. But I also remember that anytime anyone needed anything, you were more than welcome to use what was there. Mess up your shirt? See if one in the laundry room fits. Break your bike? Grandpa's probably got a metal piece he can weld to fix it up. They had less sentimental value to the things and took value from anything in good working condition and how it could be used.

What I think we most forget is that the value in the item doesn't come from where it came from or what its supposed to do or who sold what to us. We're sold a constant bill of goods from every angle in life, including our friends and family, that we absolutely NEED the latest gadgets or latest foods or latest toys. Choosing to ignore this bill of goods is less about letting things go and more about determining what to keep and what to let into your life.

It's not an easy nor quick process, but I think that Ruth's practice of keeping the positive in the process rather than the negative is the better way to go. Her idea of moderation and controlling the flow of items into our life is a way better practice than staring restriction and negativity in the face. 

The Perils of the Digital Age

Scare Devil by Piers Nye (doesn't he just look freaky?)

I bet you're thinking "OMG, not another blog telling us you can't go online or else you're going to lose all your friends, get fat and DIE". 

LOL. No such thing here, I swear. I've been reading I am Alive by Cameron Jace (Excellent, by the way, if you liked the Hunger Games you'll like it) and one of the things they talk about is your digital trail. How much you are monitoring, what you are monitoring, and how it can be eventually used against you by a psychotic half-machine, half-human dictator. 

But it got me thinking - even if you don't have a half-machine, half-human dictator on your hands, just how much of a digital trail are you leaving that you never use? 

So I started to go through my favorites on my computer last night. This is one of the better examples. I've bookmarked the same recipes 2 and 3 times over that I use all the time. In other cases, I had bookmarked the same location over 30 times! I realized this might be because of syncing my bookmarks and never caring to figure out how to clean up after the sync was complete.

I love all my favorite sites (especially Bell Pepper soup! LOL) but I forget that even though digital items don't take up actual space, they still clutter up your life. You shouldn't delete everything (that would be silly) but taking some pains to think about how and when you need things digitally and how to organize them is just as important as thinking about physical items. 

In this case, I remember being so frustrated I couldn't find my bloody soup recipe I think I bookmarked it over and over, trying to make sure that I remembered. After restructuring (and deleting all the duplicates), its now safely in the "Food" folder of my bookmarks in an easy to manage list. And my genealogy links reappeared, making me remember several sites I had forgotten (US FOIA requests, anyone?)

Seriously. I deleted over 2000 duplicate links. My bookmarks look pretty sweet now and I can access them all under "Most Used" "Personal" "Work" "School" "Crafts" "Genealogy" "Food" and "Cookie Monster" (my favorite time suck). 

When was the last time you thought about your digital footprint?

Strong Emotions

I normally follow the rules of academic writing when I write. I don't quote more than a sentence, sometimes two of someone else's source. But this...it *moved* me. I know exactly what this blogger is saying, because I've often thought it myself.

From Momastery.com:

"You just need to hang out at the post office or Twitter for a little while to learn that folks only feel comfortable speaking out when they’re happy or angry. In our culture, anger and happiness are considered strong emotions- solid fortresses from which to come out swinging. Sadness, confusion, and loneliness are seen as weak – houses made of straw – things others might feel uncomfortable witnessing and thus might feel the need to blow down. To fix. And none of us – not one last one of us- wants to be fixed. We just want to be heard. So we hide. We stay quiet about our “weaker” feelings until we’re happy or angry again – at which point we feel safe coming out. This is a shame because the world ends up feeling like it’s made up of nothing but manically angry and happy folks, since they’re the only ones talking.  Since we only share “strong” emotions, the world becomes but a stage – made up of folks offering their most solid, bullet-proof, black and white sound bites instead of real grey people, trudging through- figuring things out slowly. That world gets lonely for a real live grey trudgy person."

Wow. I know the rest of the article goes back to the religious stuff, but what a powerful description of sadness, grieving, and the tough side of our lives as humans. Its often said that those of us who can embrace the "other" emotions along with happy and angry are the "creative" ones. That we are empaths, more in touch with our emotional state and the emotional state of others.

I think I want to challenge that. I think that anyone can get in touch with their emotion. Whether they want to or choose to express them, and whether they choose to express them in a manner similar to ours, is something that they choose, not us. And that's where bewilderment to the emotional condition of others happens. We don't understand their reaction, so we assume that they are hiding and not expressing their emotion properly.

There are shades of gray everywhere. You just have to know where to look for them. (And the answer is NOT in a poorly written, poorly conceived popular book series). 

The Conclusion - the Addict and the Allergeniac

Taro, Looking Hopeful by Taro the Shibu Inu on Flickr

What would I like you to take away from this? There's always HOPE. Even when the situation seems the darkest, there's hope that you can make things happen for yourself, get out of a bad situation, or make a move to value yourself more. You can find resources locally, or internationally via the Internet. You can find connections that can grow into something more on Facebook, Twitter, or other sites.

In the end, sometimes it seems like there's nothing you can do but get out of a situation. It's sad, you're going to grieve for the lost friendship or family relationship, but given the chance to grieve vs. endangering myself, I would rather work my way through the grieving process than spend more time doing damage to myself. I think that's the major thing I have learned over the past years of dealing with trying to figure out what I was allergic to, what I am sensitive to, and what I need to remove from my life in order to make life better.

But at the same time, working to move your outlook over to being positive and keeping your resolve is key. It helps to focus on what you do have, versus what you don't have. Nothing will ever take the place of the original memories in your brain (I am dang happy that I got to do trips to Italy pre-gluten free and China as well!) but the connection will fade (wheat pasta = sick, headache, issues rather than wheat pasta = healthy and happy) so that it can make room for new equations (Schar pasta = healthy and happy). The same thing happens for addicts, from what I'm told, but the original memories make the connection more persistent.

Some days you will fail. Its inevitable. Some days you will want to explode in anger. Some days you will weep in frustration. That is why it is so important to find your people. Your people (friends, family, neighbors, avatars on a screen) can help you get through the bad moments and come out the other side. They can help give you the strength you need in a moment of doubt.

What stunned me the most about learning about addiction and supporting people with addiction is that so many of the issues they face are the same as folks with allergies, yet the addicts and alcoholics have many more resources built up around them that aren't necessarily available for people with allergies, intolerances, and dietary conditions. We need to focus on building up resources so that 20 years from now, the allergeniac diagnosis process includes help from the very start with a built in network of resources and rich knowledge base that doesn't rely on fraud science to help them. Do we need a 12 step program for allergeniacs? Maybe not, but I could easily see a regimen being created to help people get through the beginning of the diagnosis process, and ongoing support for issues along the way.